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December 5, 2010
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Advice & Support Needed...

Sun Dec 5, 2010, 10:41 AM by `AlanRalph:iconalanralph:
Hi guys, `AlanRalph here, passing on the following anonymous Note that came in today:
Hi,
I find myself in some need of prayers, good thoughts and overall comforting words.

I haven't been diagnosed yet but I know I have hirsutism which means I have male pattern hairiness. This means I don't go out and party, I don't go swimming or exercise. My last two summers when it's grown worse I've had days when I've stayed in because I couldn't find clothes that suited the weather and hid my more hairy areas. It's become so much that instead of shaving or using some other method I get paralysed and really only shave lower legs and armpits. I'm 20+ and this really is destroying my life.

Now, I've fallen in love with a boy who lives quite far away. We haven't met yet but are planning to. He knows about this but not to the extent it effects me (even if he knows some of it) and he have said it doesn't bother him as long as I am not hairier than him or have a fur. It totally crushed me.

I can barely as it is shower without feeling so depressed that I cry. I've been trying to get to a doctor the last couple of months but haven't had the opportunity to get to one yet, they have promised I will see one within two weeks now though - we'll see. I don't go to a counsellor because this whole ordeal and some other issues have left me with a social phobia so I cannot call one.

I'm sorry for the lengthy message but I just need some words, maybe if someone else have gone through what I am going through now. It feels like I am waiting for my life to begin but I don't know how since hirstutism doesn't go away - it's there for life (if I don't pay a lot of money for permanent hair removal that might work).

I feel so stuck and so depressed. Please help.

My personal advice would be to make sure she gets seen by a doctor, and do get some counselling. :please: Good luck!

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:iconfeatherspiral:
*FeatherSpiral Dec 6, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm terrible at coming up with comforting words, despite my best efforts. But here are two observations of mine:

-If you're over 20, those who're your age will be too mature to reject you because of something you can't control, while those who are younger and don't know you will be too polite to point it out.
-Usually, such a condition is only as humiliating as you take it. The moment you start showing yourself to other people without being ashamed about it, people will accept you as you are without question.

In other words, society should never exclude you, but you seem to be excluding yourself. Don't.
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:icontaintedbliss:
~taintedbliss Dec 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
1. Find a local support group of people who have the same condition as yourself :) Maybe being around other people who share the similar issues will help you in opening up. :) I found a website that might help you.

[link]

2. Realize that your condition does not define who you are. You are not defined by how much hair you have on your body. What matters is what's within. Your heart. :)

[link]

3. Regarding that guy - Well, you can send him a picture of yourself. If he doesn't want to get to know you better then that's his loss. Not yours :)

:hug: You're not alone.
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:iconkinofou:
=KinoFou Dec 5, 2010   Filmographer
I am so sorry that you feel ostracized by society because of your condition. Anyone that doesn't like you for who you are is not worth it. I hope you get what you need to be confident. I don't know if it's of any interest to you, but there are many bearded women (although from my understanding of your note, it's just on your arms and legs- am I right?) who have gone through similar problems- and they were told to shave because other people wouldn't understand. Vivian Wheeler said she would shave just so her boyfriends would feel better about themselves. Don't let society tell you what is pretty, "normal," and what isn't. Let yourself be the judge.
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:iconhelewidis:
`Helewidis Dec 5, 2010   Photographer
I think you should tell him about the full extent of it. If he rejects you because of it right away you're just saving yourself time and even more suffering. I can relate with it, not with hairiness, but by being overweight. I've heard something like that too. And I found that trying to hide it does not do any good.

On the practical side: I think that if you start to save up some money everyday in a couple of years you could have the money for that permanent hair removal? I don't know how expensive it is, or how much you can save up everyday, but I think a couple of years might do it. And since you are unhappy about it, I think getting rid of it would work more than counselling would do. But in the meantime counselling might help you deal with the emotional charge that it brings.

I don't know what else to say... :hmm:
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